February 24, 2014

The following excerpts are from the blog “Friend John” on Andrew Comiskey’s website: … “You could say the ‘gay self’ and its addictions were John’s way of easing pain and navigating desire. That ‘self’ thickened and became prickly as years passed. He became more remote. Phone calls consisted of his rambling monologues that resisted real conversation. Possessing the frustration level of a child, John could not say he was sorry.”

“I saw John a few years back and could see the shadow of death on him. I asked him of faith: he admitted he had started going to a Catholic Church but said ‘he believed none of it.’ Just like him: never admit the need for common grace.”

“We lost track of John until we discovered a couple months ago that he had been hospitalized, was belligerent, and soon discharged. We flew to San Francisco where we found him living in near squalor. Suffering softened him a bit; his ‘bad boy’ bluff was fading. I found a small cross hanging in his apartment and he agreed in prayer that God in Christ was good and loving toward Him. He took our lead that we re-locate him to a place of dignity. He received our help as never before.”

“Two weeks ago, I received a call that John was found unconscious on the floor of his assisted-living apartment. I spent the day with him while he was taken off life-support. The staff assured me that he could hear what I said. (Wishful thinking? Who knows?) I said out loud everything that I had ever prayed in quiet for this previously armored man: battle prayers for his soul, imploring Jesus’ mercy for him, honoring this one whom Jesus loves. He died a few days later.”

“Mercy frees us to love someone whose guarded self makes the true one hard to reach. Living water finds its ways around defensive walls. We who have been touched by mercy can see and summon what’s real in others, however hidden the real has become. I pray that mercy has finally sated John’s soul.”