Source:
Compiled by Thomas Coy from Matt Lieberman’s testimony in God’s Grace and the Homosexual Next Door by Alan Chambers and the Leadership Team at Exodus International. Matt Lieberman’s testimony is used by permission of Harvest House Publishers.

Born:
1975

Family Status:
Single

General Information as of 2010:
Matt Lieberman graduated from the deaf Bible school at Deaf Ministries Worldwide in Oklahoma and is involved in a variety of deaf ministries.

Personal Testimony:
Matt Lieberman’s testimony is taken directly from God’s Grace and the Homosexual Next Door. It has been edited to fit the Ex-gay Encyclopedia format.

“I was born deaf in 1975 in New Jersey, and two years later my family moved to Kentucky. I had a great childhood with my family during our nine years in Kentucky, although I didn’t understand the communication taking place between my family members because of my deafness.”

“Dad was a busy, outgoing, successful businessman who traveled a lot. But he didn’t know how to say, “I love you,” or be emotionally close. He showed his love by taking me out and buying me things. My mom was a religiously dominant, compassionate mother who was in charge of the family. Due to a divorce, my grandmother joined the family.”

… “Communicating with a deaf person takes time and patience. Few hearing people, especially males, are willing to do it. My relationships with my dad and older brothers were superficial, and that caused me to draw closer and become more comfortable with my grandmother, mom, sister, and other girls.”

… “[T]he only sport in which I felt safe and enjoyed participating in was swimming. It was during the summer of 1985 that I realized my attraction to boys was going to mean a hard future.”

“In 1986 my family moved to Missouri so my deaf brother and I could attend the St. Joseph Institute for the Deaf. … I didn’t want to move because I loved Kentucky, and I got angry at my father for the change. Already distant from him, I vowed never to be like him. I became even more comfortable with my grandmother, mother and sister, and other girls because I didn’t have a male role model to look up to.”

“During my four years at the Institute, I hung around with girls all the time and began to develop my love for drama. … During this time I was inadvertently exposed to some X-rated videotapes and pornography, which stirred up more gay feelings. When my deaf brother and I got into a fight, he called me a fag and a sissy. All these things confused and hurt me. My mind was continually bombarded with negative thoughts: What is wrong with me? Why can’t I like girls? My inner dialogue was constantly negative, and I put myself down all the time.”

“In 1990, I enrolled in a mainstream high school thinking I would do fine in the hearing environment with my oral communication training. … I wanted to fell accepted, be recognized, and have friendships with other guys, instead I was left out, rejected, and isolated.”

… “I quit my hearing school and moved to the District of Columbia to attend the Model Secondary School for the Deaf (MSSD).”

… “One of my dreams came true when I finally found a best guy friend at school. We trusted each other and did everything together. We felt safe to talk about our feelings and our friendship later turned into a secret gay relationship. I did feel a little guilty about this relationship, but it was the answer to my roller coaster feelings.”

… “It felt great to “come out of the closet” and be accepted. I could be myself! I gained a positive self-esteem and perspective in my gay and deaf identity.’

… “In January 1994, my parents forced me to go to “ex-gay therapy” and church. While at church with two lesbian friends, feeling bored, I decided to flip through the Bible. I was stunned to find that 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 said that homosexuality was wrong. I justified that being gay was okay with God. I never wanted to change, and I kept lying to my parents that I was getting “better” so they would leave me alone.”

“After graduating from the MSSD in June 1994, my boyfriend and I broke up for good because our gay relationship had become physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. … I began zigzagging back and forth between homosexuality and God. I was so confused.”

… “I was trying to ignore my gay desires, but I didn’t feel that I was a changed person. While I was confused and vulnerable, I met a gay actor and model from Hollywood. We started a relationship because I thought he was “Mr. Right.”

… “My life changed on September 21, 1996, while attending a Deaf Christian retreat in Oklahoma. I saw an ASL drama about Jesus by “The Master’s Hands” of Deaf Ministries Worldwide. … My confusion about homosexuality and God suddenly became clear – I knew homosexuality was a sin, I repented, received Jesus as my Savior and Lord, and felt a great sense of peace.”

… “For various reasons, leaving the homosexual lifestyle was extremely hard. Most of my deaf friends were gay, my struggles were so hard to deal with, and deaf Christians didn’t know how to help me with my struggles.”

… “Occasionally I get ridiculed and get a lot of fingers pointed at me: “That’s ex-gay Matt there!” I get tired of the finger pointing … but God is helping to deal with that. I know many other ex-gay deaf people who are so afraid to come out as Christians because the deaf community might put them in the spotlight.”

… “I am aware of my homosexual triggers and how they can affect my feelings and attractions. Sometimes it’s not easy, but God is helping me to not let these feelings and attractions control my life as they once did.”

“Remember a person who struggles with homosexual sin is no different than any other Christian person who struggles with some other type of sin in their life. … Before I was confused about Jesus and homosexuality, but now I am confused no more!”

Factors of Homosexual Causation:
There was a lot going on in Matt Lieberman’s childhood that could have contributed to his same-sex attractions. Some of the most obvious factors were his unmet need of a healthy emotional relationship with his father, his unmet need to have a healthy emotional relationship with any male, and his conscious decision at eleven years old to not be anything like his dad.

As a child Matt saw his mother as the authority figure that held the family together. It is unclear how that affected his view of his father or men. Matt found that boys who could hear did not want to take the time and effort to communicate with him. That was another form of male rejection. On the other hand girls often would take the time. Several factors caused him to be more comfortable around women and no one took the effort to help him identify and be comfortable in the male world. His deaf brother called him “sissy” and “fag” when he was angry at Matt. This reinforced in Matt’s mind that he was different, which he translated to mean that he was homosexually inclined. The exposure to X-rated pornography at puberty also contributed to turning his attraction to other boys into misguided sexual attractions.

Motivations to Change:
Through adolescence Matt Lieberman’s view of his sexuality was in a state of confusion. He did not identify with his father or other males. Situations in his life led him to assume that he was ingrained to be a homosexual. As with many young men who go through Matt’s life scenario, Matt experienced elation during his first homosexual experiences. He finally connected to males, was accepted by other males, and experienced sexual orgasms. But his stable homosexual relationship turned abusive, as many male homosexual relationships due. Both young men probably came into the relationship with the same psychological and emotional deficiencies thinking the other person could fill those deficiencies. It didn’t work.

It appears that before Matt had his religious conversion he was disillusioned with the gay concepts that homosexuality is equal to heterosexuality and that homosexuals are born that way. Instinctively, he knew those concepts were propaganda. He was led through a religious experience to start a journey out of homosexual identification and he immediately experienced a great sense of peace. The experience was not only spiritual; it was cognitive, because he was beginning a process of understanding homosexuality.

Process of Change:
Not a lot about Matt Lieberman’s journey out of homosexuality is revealed in his testimony. Matt was mentored for three years by Stephen Black with Exodus affiliated First Stone Ministries in Oklahoma City. Obviously, the mentoring and counseling delved deep into his childhood to understand the causes of his same-sex attractions, because that would be the process of finding and understanding his “homosexual triggers” and how they can affect him.

Matt has been verbally and emotionally persecuted by gay identified friends and co-workers for discarding his gay identity. He is in a profession (drama) that many gay identified individuals are drawn to, and most of his old friends were in the gay community. Matt is a pioneer in the deaf community, openly identifying as a Christian and an ex-gay. He will continue to live under the spotlight for being open about leaving his homosexual identity to follow Jesus and identify as a Christian who believes homosexual behavior is a sin.